Dr Julie | Psychologist

👉 No? Then I have an important message for you. Take this as a signal that here lies a huge opportunity for learning something that could transform the way you experience and approach life. The bad news is that if your internal narrative sounds more like a bully than a friend, it will be having negative consequences on your wellbeing. But the good news is that you have more power to change it than you think. All of it was learned. And as an adult you get to update your learning with conscious effort. Every choice that you make about how to act either reinforces your beliefs and predictions about yourself and the world, or it changes them. So, if you are to shift the way you relate to yourself and how you experience life, you must do that with your actions as well as the thoughts you focus on. Start by asking yourself the questions below: • If I was to treat myself as I treat the people I care about, what would that look like in terms of my actions and behaviour? • What would it sound like in the way I interpreted my own failings and shortcomings? • How would it show up in my interactions with other people? See if you can paint a detailed image of the concrete behaviour changes that would be necessary for this change to take place and be sustained. Let me know how you get on. 👉 For more on this you can pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio) or check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👀 Big Reveal! 👉 If you are under stress, dealing with difficult people, trying to fit in, making big decisions, arguing with your partner, or any of the human problems that leave us confused about which step to take, Open When... is a ‘break in case of emergency’ book to bring clarity, calm and get you back on the front foot, ready to move forward. See the links in my bio to grab a copy ❤️ 👉 For a SIGNED copy see the link in my bio and head to Waterstones to order yours. There are a limited number so you might need to be quick. If you are in the USA and can’t access Waterstones, there are links for Barnes and Noble, Amazon US and an exclusive edition available from Target This book is already being translated into many different languages. Let me know if you already have a copy in the comments x

👉 The biggest mistake that most people make with new year resolutions and lifestyle changes is starting with a big change that can’t be sustained among all the demands of normal life. Aiming for temporary change is not a bad thing. We do this all the time when we take time out to rest or go on a holiday. But when we want to put in a change that will stick, we can’t treat it in the same way that we treat a short term change. We must work out how this new goal is going to fit into everything else that we prioritise. Without doing that, the new changes inevitably become too disruptive to all the other things we care about and we inevitably abandon the new goals altogether. More to come on how to sustain new changes in the next couple of weeks, but for details on how to deal with fluctuations in willpower now, I have a section on this in my new book, Open When. Click the link in my bio to get yours now. Available at all book stores and supermarkets. ⭐️ Amazon has just reduced the price by 24%. ⭐️ Signed copies available from the Waterstones link. ⭐️ Barnes and Noble 🎯 US Special edition now at Target Links are in my bio x

👉 Most people don’t realise this is actually how therapy works. Ok this might not sound like good news but I promise you it is. Nobody is going to fix your problems or heal your wounds. The reason this is good news is that you are not at the mercy of what happened to you or the people you employ to help you through it. You are very much in the driving seat. You can work with them to create the right conditions for natural healing to take place. When you do that your body and mind will do the rest. But if you expect everything to be better too soon, or you expect healing to mean the total elimination of any scars, then you’ll always feel like there is a problem to be fixed. So take your time and take the lead in doing what is necessary to promote healing. 👉 For more on this you can pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio) or check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👉 The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves. But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship. If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex. Take time to get clarity on the situation. Chapter 2 in my book, Open When.. is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages. (link in bio)

🔥 The last one most people notice first. That’s because we often move straight from a painful emotion into doing something to numb it and get some relief from it. You don’t think consciously about feeling overwhelmed with stress - you just notice that you are putting off all the jobs that used to come easy, and avoiding even the things you once enjoyed. None of this is a fault or weakness. Stress is information. When you are willing to look at that information with curiosity, it can tell you what you need. 👉 If you find yourself overwhelmed with stress at times, there is a chapter devoted to this in my new book, Open When. (link in bio) The chapter is called ‘When you feel overwhelmed’ It includes a personal letter from me, talking you through the moment to help find calm and clarity, as well as some real time tools that you can use whenever these moments arise. 👉 If you would like a signed copy (UK) Waterstones are selling a limited number. For those in the USA Target are selling an exclusive edition. The link for all these editions are in my bio. Also available to order in many languages check link in bio or search for Open When by Dr Julie Smith..

👉 Have you spotted any of these? You might want to keep this saved to refer back to. Sometimes the signs that are easier to notice are those that appear in our own reactions. For example, being around someone who is emotionally immature can feel exhausting. There is a sense of always having to walk on eggshells to accommodate their tendency to perceive almost anything as criticism and the intense reaction that follows. That highly defensive reflex might be volatile, but it can also be more passive aggressive. So, every now and then you notice you are being ignored and the guessing games begin as you try to work out what you have done wrong. When you love someone who is emotionally immature, it is natural to yo-yo between working hard to gain their approval and occasionally rejecting them out of frustration. But rather than going round in circles with them, breaking that cycle comes from making the radical decision to stop seeking validation and approval from someone who is not emotionally mature enough to give it. 👉For more insights on when it's difficult to be with others, click the link in my bio for a copy of my book, Open When. Last time, Amazon ran out of books, but if you get your order in now, there is enough time to get it to your door on publication day. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

🔥Important to remember this. Who else gets that rush of guilt when you have to say no or hold a boundary? Join the club! But that guilt might be more to do with learning earlier in life that the needs and feelings of others always trump your own. That is was your job to keep others happy. Sometimes guilt can tell us that we are not doing the right thing. But guilt is not a fact. Listen to it. Then make your decision taking into account your needs too. 👉 If you would like more on boundaries it’s all in my new book ‘Open When...’ (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. ❤️Feel free to share

👉 Don’t miss these 3 signs! ⬇️ More subtle signs that someone is being passive aggressive: • Sarcasm • Sulking, becoming cold or indifferent • Subtly excluding you from the group • Engaging in gossip about someone • Agreeing to something while making it clear that it is hassle for them • Subtle but persistent comments in an otherwise friendly interaction that leave you doubting how they really feel about you. Which of these signs do you pick up on the most? And how do you respond? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. We often don’t know how to respond until we’ve had time to think it through. 🎁 For some real time tools on how to respond to passive aggressive behaviour, I cover this in more detail in my new book, Open When.. The link in my bio will take you to retailers for UK, USA and the rest of the world. ☆A limited number of signed copies are available from Waterstones, UK. ☆ An exclusive edition is available from Target, USA.

👉Don’t make this mistake 🐸 We tend to adjust and tolerate harmful changes if they are gradual and subtle enough. Where in your life have you put up with gradual deterioration until it’s too late? More below👇 👉My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order worldwide (link in bio) 🔥The use of the blow torch in this video might seem a bit shocking. But it is there to represent how harshly the heat can be turned up once we are trapped in a situation by our tendency to adjust rather than address problems. We might become broken down or weakened by the ever increasing toxicity of a situation. So, whether it’s a workplace, a relationship, a personal situation or a wider problem of town or country, the boiling frog metaphor speaks volumes about the potential consequences of not addressing small changes until it’s too late. Note: The boiling frog metaphor came from an experiment that was done over 150 years ago. The original theory has since been contested by modern biologists. But the value in the fable remains. No frogs were harmed in this video 🐸 Feel free to share this message ❤️ If you enjoy my videos you’ll love my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out now worldwide (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

#ad #ad This was a surprise! The health risks associated with not sleeping enough are well known. But some research studies have shown associations between excessive sleep and physical and mental health problems, including depression. When life gets busy and your sleep suffers, you start to feel like you could sleep for a week. But, my experience seemed to reflect the research that shows that if you are generally healthy and conditions are good, it is almost impossible to oversleep. So, if you notice that you are tending to sleep excessively, it is more likely that this is a symptom of other problems, rather than the cause. As a Samsung wellness ambassador I have been using my Galaxy Watch7 to keep tabs on my sleep for some time. As a working parent my problem tends to be that I don’t get enough sleep. But having the daily reminder has encouraged me to make it a priority - and I feel much better for it. Of course, this video was just for fun and not supposed to represent a detailed scientific study or research. #SamsungPartner #GalaxyWatch7

👉The last one can be hard to spot 👀More on the subtle signs that a friendship has gone sour ⤵️ • When you share bad news, your bid for connection and support is squashed by something apparently much worse that happened to them once. • Sharing good news or something positive that is happening for you feels unwelcome too. You might be met with sarcasm, or praise the comes laced with insult. Or you might notice that you are being subtly excluded in ways that you weren’t when things weren’t going so well for you. 💫 Much more on how to spot signs that a friend might not be a friend and how to deal with it in my new book, Open When. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out! (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉 The second one on the list is the most crucial for building your social confidence. Here’s why: If feeling the discomfort of awkward moments is something you are not willing to accept and tolerate, then all of the choices you make will be dictated by the need to avoid those feelings. As a result, all the actions that would build social confidence (like spending as much time with people as possible) become out of bounds to you. And the more you avoid those uncomfortable but rewarding experiences, the more your social world shrinks and social anxiety grows. To begin to tackle that fear of socially awkward moments, you first need a clear way through those feelings. I talk you through how to do this in my new book, Open When. Click on the link in my bio to get yours. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉 The uncomfortable truth that nobody ever talks about: you are not obliged to stay in a friendship that is unhealthy or damaging for you, even if you have been friends for years. Not only are you free to choose your own friendships, you are also duty bound to do the best by yourself, which includes making careful decisions about who you spend your time with. It is not just friendship that is crucial to a healthy and fulfilled life, it is good-quality friendship. Once someone has proved themselves to be someone who does not have your best interests at heart, you have a decision to make. But don’t be ruthless in decisions about friends. This is your life. Be careful, considered and deliberate. And if you do walk away from a friendship, do it with compassion. Wish them well and make sure that your decision is so well thought out that you take no bitterness with you. Open When.. is available now worldwide and covers these confusing friendship problems in much more detail. 🔗 See the link in my bio to get yours. 🌟 Next day delivery from Amazon 🌟 Signed copies from Waterstones 🌟 Exclusive edition from Target ⭐️ In stock in Barnes and Noble

👉 Publication Day Giveaway! Tag a friend below and share this post for chance to EACH win £100 Amazon vouchers. Each new tag and story share counts as a new entry. I have 6 x £100 vouchers to giveaway. 👉 If you have ever found my videos to be helpful then don’t miss my new book ‘Open When…’ packed full of helpful tips for when life gets complicated. Thank you to everyone on TikTok for your support and making this book happen. Keep an eye on my stories for behind the scenes footage from this video 🤦🏻 To buy a copy of this book see the links in my bio. Places to buy a copy… UK: All major supermarkets, Amazon, Waterstones, all book stores etc US: Amazon, Target, Barnes and Noble etc Worldwide: Please see links in bio *PLEASE NOTE: To avoid scammers, remember I will never ask you to pay anything upfront, even postage. I will NEVER ask for anyone bank details or payments. I will not ask you to visit any external sites. I will simply DM you and then email the details.